The art of conversation lies in Listening’  Malcom Forbes

Listening is in itself such a simple act. We don’t have to advise, or coach or sound wise (what a relief). We just have to be willing to simply sit there and truly listen.

However to do it well is a great art and skill. It requires us to be fully present, to drop the mental chatter of our minds.

Indeed, as Rumi said: "The quieter you become the more you are able to hear."

Being a good listener has been shown to; improve empathy, build mutual trust, demonstrate respect and diffuse conflict. It is impossible to create a healthy culture if we refuse to meet and listen.
 
As listeners we need to create a space inside ourselves, we need to let go of our own beliefs and opinions and instead sit with gentle wonder, curiosity and an open heart. In doing so we learn what it is to be someone else, to walk in another person’s shoes.

Thus, listening helps us to move closer.

It is the antidote to the fragmentation which causes so much suffering in our society today.

As we listen so we understand and as we understand so fear and judgement dissolves.

Then, and only then, in this beautiful place that Rumi referred to as ‘the field beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing’ can we finally sit together and reweave the world once more into wholeness.

To practice improving your listening skills start by setting the intention to listen and then ask a friend a question. It can be as simple as "tell me what’s going on for you in life right now?" and then … listen.

• Slow down your mind

• Listen from your heart

• Honour their experience, this is their time

• Make eye contact and use facial expressions to show them that you are with them in their story

• Don’t interrupt

• Gently respond rather than be thinking about what you want to say

• Stay within their story / Avoid using the word ‘I’ (remember this is their time)

• Make encouraging noises

• Repeat back some of what they have said

• Ask open ended questions such as "and how was that?"… or "tell me more."

• Enjoy the silence and spaces

• Listen to all that is being unsaid.

• Finally thank them for sharing. It is a huge privilege to hear another person’s story.